angst cycle (iii) — [А] (iv)

but
it was her choice
based on my context

i was so poisoned
it’s not so bad now
i was so poisoned
i had to combine or cut

that was a horrible place to be
the intensity of pain
was similar to mourning
never do i want to feel that again

if i could choose
i’d choose
never to come to the attention
of anyone for love
because the persistent rejection
that they subsequently give
is too fucking terrible
to be forced to experience
i detest this context

and there we have
the very strong risk
that the poison
is fed again

i am
most certainly
not immune

i know very well
if i see her with a guy
i’ll react very badly
whether externally i doubt
but internally
it will be back
to that mourn again

no i am not going there

but i actually
don’t like
causing her
some pain

oh
for fuck’s sake
i’ll have to work
this one through