angst cycle (iii) — [Е]

for an afternoon
i felt sane enough
to be able
to communicate
business

what a fucking idiot i was
i sent the email
and within two hours
i was watching the inbox
like cat

the insanity
the poison

at least i had the sense
to send another email
asking her
not to reply
and to apologise

so much for that island
clearly fake

i’m still
fucking doing it
even though
she won’t reply

i don’t even think
she’d reply
if she could

i’ve been as stable
as the shape of cloud
as the shape of flame